every day a dot to always (this year's love)
by tristelamar
Summary: The first year is crucial in a relationship. Min Se - Yi/Yoon Seol Chan through a year's seasons. A "Monstar" multichaptered fanfiction.


every day a dot to always (this year's love)

season # 1: fall (deeper into your gravity)

**point**: a point is an exact position or location on a plane surface. It is usually represented by a dot.

• Thursday, November 7th, 2013 (5: 43)

Se – Yi wakes up before the phone starts ringing, feeling caged inside her body, mind lucidly alert and searching fast. Her throat knots up into a tight hot fist as she goes to answer, 'Unknown' bold on the screen. It's Seol – Chan's mom's voice. It's Seol – Chan's mom, Im Soo Ah. Se – Yi can't cry as the woman tells her in thin words about the bus crashing, doesn't cry because she's too busy narrowing down to a red point brokenly thinking (_you can't have… please… don't be… you can't have… please… please_) before Im Soo – Ah snaps her back to the now with,

"… Manager Hong says he's going to be okay, Se - Yi."

Her relief is a nuclear explosion: a powerful wave that destroys every other emotion and thought as it expands. She becomes a shivering mess barely held together by bright threads of relief in the afterglow.

Se – Yi stands up, legs feeling numb, indomitably lead-like as she hurries toward her closet. "How bad is … —How is he?" she asks, opening the doors as she traps the cellphone between her ear and her clavicle, reaching for whatever the fuck comes out so that she can get to him, and she hates her hands because she can't fucking stop trembling so it takes four fucking tries to get a shirt out of its hanger and she's fucking wasting time.

She has to stop to hear the response, unable to move when her whole being needs to focus on understanding what comes next.

"Manager Hong says he's unconscious, has three broken ribs, and he broke his right leg." A short beat. "The prognostic is good enough, Se - Yi. There could be… complications, but he's receiving the best care."

She bites her lip, tension bunching up in her shoulders. "Could I go with you?" she asks Seol - Chan's mother, immediately breaking into movement again, her body still far from precise as she gets hold of some jeans and yanks them off the hanger. She knows he should be somewhere near Daegu, the next stop on Men in Black's tour. She will get there in three hours however she has to do it.

"Of course, Se – Yi. Give me your address; I'll be there in ten minutes."

Se – Yi does so, her voice uneven but the words coming one after the other, her body equally driven. She is very quiet as she continues packing after hanging up the call, not willing to wake up her mother or her aunt, not willing to have to explain and lose some more time. The note she leaves behind is short and barely legible, but she'll answer her cell when her mom calls.

* * *

• Thursday, November 7th, 2013 (8: 01)

Se – Yi hates hospitals. The mix of smells that remind her of how fragile we truly are, the multiple legions of starkly vulnerable expressions that range from the desperately hopeful to those whose faces could be smooth stone bleeding as tears streak down. If one is unlucky enough to be in a room: being alive and yet barely able to control important details of your everyday existence, having so little control over your own body. She thinks hating hospitals is one of those universal sentiments, a fate escaped probably only by loving new mothers or mothers to be, and certain members of the staff, who at least know what they're doing and have the satisfaction of exerting themselves trying to make things less dire and painful for everybody else.

Her grudge is more personal, too: she spent her first days of silently grieving her father inside a hospital.

It's been twenty minutes since her mind started being able to form thoughts other than '_stay okay_' and '_please, please, please, drive faster_' (they traveled steadily at 25 over the limit while on the highway, but it never seemed enough).

It's been twenty minutes since Seol – Chan regained consciousness. He's very blurry about the moments right before the accident, remembers nothing of the crash, but Arnold (Se – Yi thinks she's remembering correctly when she thinks that the person on the phone was Arnold) says he's otherwise coherent, answering questions and even making some himself. Which means the concussion doesn't show signs of being severe.

She pushes the door open as the car finally stops before Kyungpook National University Hospital. Rushing out, she slides her backpack into place and only remembers to wait for Im Soo – Ah to catch up as the automatic doors are sliding open. For two vivid seconds, Se – Yi resents the other woman to the sun and back and then some miles more for the delay.

They know where he is: room 526, Trauma Unit, now they only have to discover where inside this concrete monster that happens to be. They ask at the lobby, and the man is helpful and patiently thorough, and it's a maze of (left-right-right-right) turns until they reach an elevator and then there'll be a reception area where they can ask the exact location of the room.

Manager Hong is waiting for them when the elevator doors open into the reception, looking older than he is as he springs up, distinctly frayed around the edges. Se – Yi returns Manager Hong's short bow fast, and the man begins leading them the rest of the way, talking words of reassurance that barely register with Se – Yi.

He's breathing. He stops smiling at whatever Arnold and Lee Hyun – Soo were saying a second ago as Im Soo – Ah and Se – Yi enter the room behind Manager Hong, an intense and intensely private expression settling over his face at once. She knows his leg is in a cast, a big bandage covers a good portion of his forehead, a violently purple bruise mars the left side of his jaw, another harsh one blooming near the tattoo high up on his chest, an iv is piercing the inside of his right wrist, he's wearing the mandatory patient gown that never fails to make a person look anything other than soul-crushingly mortal, – and he's breathing. Seol – Chan is breathing.

Se - Yi sucks in air in an effort not to pass out, the sound loud, managing to fill up the room. She locks her knees to try to make sure she'll stay standing.

Seol – Chan is breathing.

Her vision goes blurry.

Arnold and Lee Hyun – Soo stand up from where they've been sitting on Seol – Chan's bed, and Se – Yi can't return their bows as they pass her by, her eyes fixed steadily on Seol – Chan.

She hears the drawing of curtains, notices the light in the room changing, suddenly much darker. Seol – Chan's face suddenly much darker. That expression still there.

When another sound comes from the direction of the door, she manages to turn around, mutely surprised when she sees Im Soo – Ah's back disappearing into the hall.

She's fast to turn her head, fast to return to him. Seol – Chan gives her a small smile that somehow doesn't melt the intensity out of his expression, makes it even more private instead.

She walks to him, foregoing the chair near the bed and opting instead for on the mattress like his group members did. His stare follows her every move, grin widening to a full beam as she sits down gently.

"Can I… Can I touch you?" she asks, because she can't _not_ ask. Talking through her knotty throat feels like the clumsiest thing she's ever done.

She sees him swallow. "You can. Just be careful with the jaw," he tells her.

Barely breathing, Se - Yi uses only her fingertips on the unhurt parts of his forehead, on his nose, on his mouth, his chin. "I'm so…so…" —she can't seem to stop crying, and a sob suddenly chokes her, cutting her off.

"Se – Yi…" His voice rushes out in a whisper. Her eyes snap up to his, a look passing between them. "I can't really move my upper body. So. Could you?"

Se – Yi nods, smiling brightly at him to reassure him before standing up and searching through her backpack until she finds tissues. It's hard to keep her stare away from him for a second longer, but, turning around, she blows her nose, wipes her cheeks a little, and goes to throw the tissues on the garbage can.

She feels content when Seol – Chan chuckles. She wants to hit something when the chuckle is followed by an inhale of pain. "Are you okay?" she asks, turning around as fast as possible.

"Yes."

"Are you sure? Don't you want me to call a—?"

"Min Se – Yi?" He takes hold of her wrist as she reaches him, pulls softly until she falls seated on the mattress. "Could you?" he says, sounding a little embarrassed.

She nods once as she settles her hands over her knees, making a mental note in bold crimson to grab hold of them hard to keep from touching him and causing him even the least portion of pain, and then she's leaning into him the necessary amount.

She goes for a soft, almost closed-mouthed lingering kiss. He kisses her until he's guiding her mouth open, one of his hands coming up to frame her face, and she has a moment of panic, a moment of freezing until she realizes she can feel his palm, that there's no thin iv tube there, which means it's his non-iv hand and he won't cause damage and have to be set up again.

He waits out the moment of stillness, waits until she's pressing back against him once more. Then he's shifting his contact with her, his hand migrating so that it's at the back of her head, fingers gentle as they thread through her strands, gentle even as he draws her in closer because their mouth to mouth starts the slow path from something nice yet contained to something that is all deep angles and building heat, something that feels like things they haven't said yet and she's clawing at her knees so strongly that she's almost certain she'll find bruises when she goes to change later.

Se – Yi remembers the only other deep kiss they've shared, the night before he left for the tour: how awkward and halting it started out as, and then how wonderful, warm, and articulate it got. Now they bypass awkward and halting, nothing like the clear knowledge that alive is a great state of being to provide the right kind of fuel. She can barely think over the dips and the closeness, over her feral response to his proximity, but there's a part of her that manages to come close to wondering when they'll get to kiss without it having some darkly desperate bent to it.

She's blushing as they separate, and she wishes she wouldn't: he was in an accident, but he's also breathing. Kissing him long and hopelessly honest has to be the only appropriate way of expressing how deeply and wholly overjoyed she is.

He gives her a half smile when they separate, touches the side of her face. "Thanks for being so fast in getting here, Se – Yi."

Her eyes start to sting all over again. "I'm so glad you're breathing," she says, knowing she's said the right thing when the words succeed in calling laughter to his expression.

* * *

• Thursday, November 7th, 2013 (11: 05) 

Doctor Lee is a dark polished onyx sort of man: voice cold like the surface of onyx when not exposed to light or high temperature, eyes technically beautiful but every bit as unfeeling as dark onyx, his heart seemingly full of the glossy, hard, cruel material. He gives the initial prognosis in a smooth tone and in a steady flow, barely breaking for air as he floods them with information in terms that could be less technical. Se – Yi doesn't think it's the man's way of coping with his chosen profession: there's usually always a hint of exertion with people like that, always that excessive something that gives them away.

Like the smooth planes of Seol – Chan's face as he listens. He could pass for a statue, except he looks too alive for that. "Can I dance with the hardware on, Doctor Lee?" he interjects when the man hits a rare pause.

Seol - Chan broke his knee cap into three pieces, so on Saturday he'll be undergoing surgery. Doctor Lee will be putting pins and wire inside to help the area work correctly and heal. They'll take out the metal through another surgery in a year's time.

"You can attempt it gradually after you become fully weight-bearing again. Nothing too strenuous. If you push it, you run the risk of further damage to the patella, which could lead to early arthritis in the area."

Seol – Chan grits his teeth as the man explains, his expression shuttering further as Doctor Lee finishes. Se – Yi swallows, and she laces her fingers together over her lap to keep from balling her hands into fists. She doesn't want Seol – Chan to see and worry over her reaction.

"When will I become… What did you say, Doctor Lee? 'Fully weight-bearing' again?" Seol – Chan asks, tone turned distant from what politeness dictates despite the use of the appropriate form of address.

When the man talks, the flow of his words is somehow, unbelievably, even more continuous. "There's no set time. Each human body is different. The usual lapse to weight-bearing in breaks to the patella like yours ranges from five to eight weeks. Any more questions?"

Seol – Chan is gritting his teeth again. "No," he answers, finally dropping formal address.

"Very well, then. I'll see you Saturday at seven."

Doctor Lee bows to Seol – Chan and Seol – Chan nods in response, expressive eyes projecting so much raw anger. Doctor Lee then goes on to bow to Im Soo – Ah and Se – Yi, and Se – Yi follows Im Soo – Ah in standing and bowing only because Doctor Lee is the man who'll be operating on Seol – Chan.

Once the door closes behind him, Im Soo – Ah says — "I've asked around since I was told he was the one looking into your case. Those who know about him say he's the best surgeon at the hospital."

Seol – Chan grins, the gesture not quite reaching authentic, too dark and sarcastic for that. "That makes sense." He lets out a puff of breath, and says, — "Thanks for checking, mom."

Im Soo – Ah reaches for Seol – Chan's hand. Seol – Chan lets her. "You're going to be fine. You'll be part of the group again."

"I know," he tells her, a barely audible admission that puts Se – Yi on thoughts that he's more talking to himself than responding to Im Soo – Ah. He nods carefully after a beat, his expression morphing into studiously thoughtful. "I think Doctor Lee is an evil robot from the future."

Im Soo – Ah looks completely lost, a state that doesn't get better when Se – Yi laughs.

Se – Yi gives Im Soo - Ah a kind grin. "Seol – Chan likes this American action movie with an evil robot from the future in it. What he means is that Doctor Lee being the South Korean model is not out of the question."

She locks stares with Seol - Chan, beaming bubbly and sincere. "Personally, I think Seol – Chan's theory is not without its merits. I think you can't possibly be a breathing creature and talk like that."

"Since he's an evil robot from the future, he runs on some especially cold and evil substance from the future. This much is obvious," Seol – Chan points out, entirely pleased with himself over his line of reasoning. Se - Yi likes it when he makes the effort at her kind of humor.

Im Soo – Ah still seems a little lost, but she's also smiling at her joking son.

"I wonder what would affect this substance? Because I'd like to pour a little of that on his coffee after he's done with the second surgery. Not enough to make his cyborg center stop working altogether, but, you know, enough for him to experience some serious technical difficulties."

One of Seol – Chan's eyebrows pops up, a hint of seriousness filtering into his playful expression as he regards her. "You'd do that to the evil robot from the future who's made my leg healthy again, girl?"

If the circumstances were entirely different, if they were alone at the basement and their joking had led to this type of question, her answer would have been a deadpanned "yes".

But they are not alone or at the basement and it is now, so Se - Yi pauses before answering. "I couldn't, Seol - Chan." She lets her voice be too soft, too thin, too telling.

* * *

• Thursday, November 7th, 2013 (16: 00)

Seol – Chan was the most injured in the accident (the bandage is covering a long, deep cut that required thirty two stitches and that scared everyone around before the ambulance arrived), so, as the hours pass, Seol – Chan's room becomes the meeting place. Kim Ha – Jin and Seo Kyung – Jong come to visit as soon as they have leave to do so, Arnold and Lee Hyung – Soo return. They stay for a while, and they joke a lot as they hook in a laptop to catch up on episodes of _The Heirs_, and Seol – Chan fails at hiding how pleased he is by his group members' caring. Sometimes his face blanches, but he's quick to either talk or respond to someone and those moments pass.

Bodyguards come to check in on him. Manager Hong comes and goes. Seol – Chan takes various naps, heavy on pain killers. Manager Hong hints at allowing a fan to visit. Seol – Chan, Im Soo – Ah, and Se – Yi come close to succeeding in glaring holes into Manager Hong's skull.

Manager Hong appears again as a new nurse is leaving. He clears his throat and says, – "Ma Dong Seok is outside and asks if you'll see him. What should I tell him, Yoon Seol – Chan?"

"Tell him to come."

Se - Yi's blood runs cold.

Im Soo – Ah takes off her reading glasses as she looks up from the local newspaper. "Who is Ma Don Seok, son?"

_He's the driver_: Se - Yi doesn't say.

"He's our tour driver," Seol – Chan answers, his voice too absolutely level for it not to be a calculated effort.

Manager Hong retires.

Seol – Chan swallows, stare shifting between Im Soo – Ah and Se – Yi. "I'd like to talk to him privately."

They pass Ma Dong Seok on their way to the reception area. Ma Dong Seok was not speeding when he ran into the concrete isle, causing the bus to tip over. He had not been drinking. He fell asleep.

Se – Yi remembers clearly the last time she felt so truly violent toward another human being. Her hands become hard fists by her sides as she walks, and she looks at Im Soo – Ah's profile, wanting to find some reflection of her reaction in someone else. Im Soo – Ah's face is set seriously, her skin a little bit colorless under the hospital's too bright artificial lights, but there's not enough dark thunder there to satisfy Se – Yi, not enough clear anguish, and not enough strain to make up for the lack of the other two. She thinks about this woman returning Seol –Chan to the orphanage thirteen years ago, and she thinks about how her own mother would look if it were Se – Yi lying hurt and scared in a hospital bed.

She wishes she could shake Im Soo – Ah until she learns how to. But shaking never helped anybody learn how to love enough.

* * *

• Thursday, November 7th, 2013 (16: 20)

Se – Yi hurries to stand up when Manager Hong says Seol – Chan would like to talk to her alone for a moment. Se - Yi is aware that she's in possession of an explosive temper with a pretty long fuse, aware that the fuse shortens considerably when it comes to those she cares about deeply being threatened or damaged in any way at all. She doesn't know how she'll react if she's left in the reception area with Ma Don Seok while the man waits for an elevator to arrive. Even as it is, she keeps her stare cast downward until she's in the hall, fills her vision with her feet and the creamy floor below, scared that she might do something recklessly harsh if she catches sight of Ma Don Seok again.

She doesn't offer a shy smile to Im Soo – Ah over Seol – Chan wanting to see her alone once again.

Closing the door, Se – Yi is not surprised when she finds Seol - Chan wearing one of his most serious expressions. Seol – Chan had talked to Se – Yi about Ma Don Seok various times before, laughter in his voice as he told Se - Yi about the man's penchant for sharing pictures of his cute four - year - old little girl. Ma Don Seok would also make the silliest jokes (Se - Yi had found them hilarious, her heart stuttering because Seol - Chan was great at retelling them). Seol - Chan had liked him.

She chooses to sit on one of the lounging chairs instead of closer to Seol – Chan.

"He slept well," he says after a moment.

"Did he give you his definition of 'well'?"

"Eight-and-a-half hours the night before, then an hour of napping in the afternoon," he tells her, voice careful, at once warm and coaxing. "He ate well."

"Did he give you a definition of what he meant by that 'well', too?"

"Not exactly. He told me he ate lightly because he's been feeling heavy and tired lately. I'd say he's gained at least ten pounds since the tour started, so I can understand that. But he took vitamins to keep his energy up. He hasn't been feeling healthy, but he also took care of that issue. Went to the doctor. Went to the lab.

His results should be in tomorrow and the lab will fax them here."

Se - Yi sits straighter, gritting her teeth to keep from gnawing on her bottom lip, tension sure as blood cursing through her body. "Does he also save abandoned puppies, wear a cape at night, and work on solving both world hunger and cancer on his spare time?" she hurls out.

"Se - Yi," he says. He looks at her kindly until some of her anger begins to ebb. "It was an accident," he says, low, bending his tone warm and coaxing a second time. He's said those words to her many times before, implied them countless others in the two weeks following her getting to know the truth about the car crash that killed her father. These words were palpable in his silence: the simple act of letting her cry as she digested new knowledge, not asking anything from her except that she let him be nearby to keep her from feeding herself too much guilt, keep her from choking on it.

She gives him a weak sort of smile, unable to counter his simple logic. "I hate accidents," she says, the absolute truth and also a curvy, loopy apology after her outburst.

His smile is steadier than hers. "I know."

* * *

• Friday, November 8th, 2013 (6: 45)

Se – Yi opens the sliding door into the balcony, breathing in deep as she goes outside. She barely slept, finally deciding to leave the bed she's been offered thanks to Im Soo – Ah's connections two hours ago. It's her second cup of chamomile and lavender tea.

The horizon looks lonely in the distance, bleak, the sun not breaking through yet. She approaches the balustrade, the city surrounding the high rise building spreading out underneath like a strange blanket sprinkled with thin mist every now and again. She and Im Soo – Ah went shopping for groceries yesterday, so Se – Yi will get to preparing a healthy, complete, energizing breakfast soon enough despite the fact that her stomach is nearly closed up, the thought of food a million miles away from mouthwatering.

Her heart freezes when the phone rings, the fear that one of the things that could go wrong actually going wrong always a livewire pulsing underneath her surface. She puffs out her breath in relief when she checks and sees 'Mom' on the screen.

"Hey, Mom."

"Hello, early bird."

They talk about everything and nothing for a while, the universal language between family members lucky enough to like each other. She again reassures her mom that she will be cooking for Im Soo – Ah (to the best of her just slightly above mediocre abilities), and once more repeats that she'll find a job to repay Im Soo - Ah for the costs of her staying at Daegu these days. The sun rises, the sky going bright hot rose as her mom talks about her new job, about her new acquaintances there, and about plants she's planning to bring home to make it seem more cheerful.

She finds her nerve as the conversation starts to trickle down, needing to gnaw down on her bottom lip as she prepares. "Mom?"

"Hmm?"

She swallows, eyes steadily focused on the explosion of colors in the horizon. "I think… —I know I'm really in love."

Silence from her mother for some long beats. "Se – Yi?"

"Hmm?"

"Have you looked at the sky?"

She smiles, her entire being kindling in deep affection for her mom. "I'm looking at the sky right now."

"That's a good start."

* * *

• Friday, November 8th, 2013 (21: 39)

Nurse Kim Woo – Kyung peeps in, expression apologetic. "Twenty minutes until visiting hours are over."

Se – Yi snaps her eyes away from Ha – Jin's laptop and the latest of _The Heir_s, inwardly growing cold even as she exchanges a look with Seol - Chan. Im Soo – Ah stops reading a translation of _The Prisoner of Heaven_, sadness rippling across her expression while she slides off her reading glasses, the reaction so stark that Se – Yi decides maybe she was wrong about Im Soo - Ah. Maybe before with Ma Deong Seok was just a glitch.

"Se – Yi," Seol – Chan says. Se – Yi knows what he'll ask next.

Standing up, she draws the curtains closed as she is leaving, makes her opening and closing of the door barely audible.

She doesn't go to the reception area, worried that she'll lose time in coming after Seol – Chan's mom has finished talking with her son, worried about that interval between Im Soo – Ah vacating Seol – Chan's room and the woman's arrival at the reception. She tells herself to breathe as she waits, unable to keep from indulging in her nervous habit of worrying down on her lip.

Im Soo – Ah comes out after a considerable stretch. "He's waiting for you," she says, giving Se - Yi a soft, warm smile before turning around.

Her eyes go to the gifts from his fans for a moment as she enters: they're on a rectangular table near the long window. Balloons, flowers, various stuffed animals, fruit baskets, three huge postcards with get-well-soon wishes among others. Seol – Chan hasn't acted like they're not there. Instead, yesterday as well as today, he'd look at the table every once and again, his expression turning happy yesterday, painfully vulnerable as today wore on.

But the white orchids from Manager Hong and his group members, the book his mother bought for him, the multicolored flowers from Color Bar, and the small stuffed bear with a recording of Se – Yi's voice singing the hook of _I Will Be Your Love_ (which he's yet to play because he hasn't had time alone since she gave the bear to him in the afternoon, and she asked him to please wait until there was no one else around): those Seol - Chan has placed on the nightstand.

Very gently, she sits on the mattress.

Seol – Chan speaks first. "Mom sent Doctor Lee a signed first edition of _The Sorcerer's Stone_ because she's heard his wife is a reader. I sent tickets for tomorrow's concert to Doctor Lee's daughter. She's sixteen and a fan."

She chuckles, a little amused, immensely nervous. "I bought him a box of the most expensive chocolates I could afford," she confesses. "I even wrote true words on the accompanying card."

"Think we'll manage to melt his evil robot heart?"

She fiddles with her fingers over her lap. She can't make herself look at him. "Doesn't matter, Seol – Chan. He's going to do his job excellently whatever the case. He's the type."

After a beat, he asks, – "Doesn't hurt trying, no?"

She swallows. "No."

He inhales sharp, exhales loud. "I went on the internet," he says. Se – Yi suddenly understands his mood throughout the day, how tightly contained he's seemed, subdued even as he was laughing and cheering along over Arnold offering Ma Don Seok a job at his parents' supermarket chain (Ma Don Seok's lab results were faxed to the hospital late in the morning, the findings pointing pretty strongly to hyperthyroidism. The last of her anger at the man drained, which was good but also left Se – Yi vaguely resentful at the fabric of the universe).

"What did you find out?"

Another beat. "That Doctor Lee was saying the truth. Every person has a different healing process. I could be walking without crutches in over a month, but I could also need them for five and then some. I could have problems moving easily for years."

"Seol – Chan," she whispers, at once chiding and pouring all of her hope into his name.

He locks eyes with her, swallows. "I'm so fucking scared," he says, the second time she's heard him use the curse word. He looks so young for a second before he hangs his head. He looks so very lost for that split moment.

Se – Yi pushes past the nerves and the tension cursing through her muscles to touch him, fingertips on the good side of his jaw. "Seol – Chan," she says, breath catching when he tilts his chin, — "you're the fiercest man I know. You'll be okay."

He doesn't smile. "You can't make your body heal correctly or fast enough through the sheer power of fierceness."

"But you can be okay even if your body doesn't heal correctly or as fast as you'd like if you're fierce enough." She doesn't stray from staring at him once now, her throat tight. "You're fierce enough."

"Se - Yi ..."

When he goes to drop his head again, she catches his mouth in a kiss because it's the only thing that makes sense. There's a pause, a moment of adjustment, – both his hands coming up to frame her face, which is just another reason to be happy about the fact that Nurse Kim Woo – Kyung took the iv off. Then they are kissing each other deep and sweet and close, slower and softer than their second, starting awkward and halting like their first.

She knows where she can touch him without it hurting: his neck, his arm. She holds on, making an honest effort to convince him of what she's told him through her mouth and her touch.

She copies something he's done more than once as they're separating, something that's made her heart stutter, has made her chest heat up, something she hasn't dared to do before. Leaning into him again, she moves so that she's worrying down on his bottom lip, teeth pressing in softly, slightly.

His eyes are the darkest she's ever seen them when they do separate, dark and awed. His smile comes.

She takes strength in his reaction to speed headlong toward another first. "I love you," she says, voice low and transparent.

He doesn't hesitate before answering, — "I love you more."

She chuckles, wanting to say: _you've got it wrong, you dummy. You can't possibly love me more. Everything in your life just has taught you to love more desperately_.

But she thinks those are words that lose weight if you go on and say them, so she doesn't.

~oOo~


End file.
